Expectations, Disappointment, and Forgiveness

Space and space travel have always fascinated me. As a little girl, I dreamed of being an astronaut until my mother told me that you had to be good at math and science to be an astronaut. “You’re better with words,” she said. While true, I wonder to this day if this was wise council, the gentle nudging of someone that knew the world and knew what was a good fit or not a good fit for me. Or, was it the steering away from what could’ve been something really magical. I’ll never know. Or maybe I’ll figure it out in therapy one day.

One of my favorite movies growing up was Apollo 13. I owned it on VHS and would watch it on my little 13 inch TV / VCR combo. Everything about the movie drew me in. Tom Hanks, hello. The science, the relationships, the politics, the music, the sets and costumes, the hard decisions, the tragedy, the problem solving, the triumph. All of it. Amazing. As a kid, I loved reading books about the planets, learning about constellations, and looking into the Milky Way, our neighborhood, and marveling at all we know and all that we don’t know.

Tonight, I finished watching Challenger: The Final Flight, another Netflix documentary. I was alive when the Challenger disaster occurred but not old enough to remember it. So, I had a few vague facts filed away, but I really had no idea about what happened or why. I sure got answers to those questions.

As I sat in silence after the last episode concluded, completely moved, I started thinking about what we know, what we think we know, and the truth. Managing expectations is something I put my mind to often these days. This is a new practice I am trying to adopt, and it resurfaced again after watching this heartbreaking story unfold. 

How could this be? How could my beloved NASA have done this? Can I still love them? I’ve never even been to the Johnson Space Center in Houston yet. Does this mean I shouldn’t go now on principle and heartbreak? Then, I started thinking about disappointments and managing expectations.

We are all people. And we all make mistakes. Some as big and as devastating as those from NASA and Morton-Thiokol. Some are as small and ultimately inconsequential as forgetting to get the kids’ favorite cereal at the store (although this could make for NASA-level disappointment to a toddler).

There are so many horrific injustices simultaneously afflicting humanity and our earthly home. How can I manage the crushing disappointment of those near to me and those far?

In times of confusion, I often find myself asking, “What does Brene say about this?”

I expected NASA and their affiliates to be better, to be THE BEST, and am therefore disappointed. 

I expect my fellow humans to be better and am continually disappointed and disheartened and angry.

I expect myself to be better and do better, and I often fall short and am therefore disappointed in myself.

But, are we, therefore, to lower our expectations so low as to never be disappointed? This cannot be right.

Perhaps, a healthy mindset is to remember that we are all on a journey. We are all on our own unique square-foot patch of grass along the path, some further down the road, some not yet on the trail. And then, when people make mistakes, as we will do, work hard to understand, educate, and ensure that mistake is never repeated. And then forgive.

Perhaps, a bit of sleep and much discernment will bring clarity.