Feel the Feelings
Today was not a good day.
Over the past year, I’ve gotten into the habit of ranking and rating my days. As the hours start to wind down, I reflect back and decide how this day measured up. Good column, bad column. Winner? Loser. A+! D-. Or the not preferred but acceptable “2020 fine”. Today was a bad column, loser, D- of a day.
I was all in my feelings today. Centered smack dab in the middle of a feelings hurricane. Disappointment, sadness, anger, and exhaustion swirled and howled around me while I just tried to feel the feelings.
Pre-2020 me did not do this. Never did I sit with an uncomfortable feeling without trying to do something with it. Deny it. Invalidate it. Make excuses for it. To-do list it to death and productivity it out of existence. That didn’t work very well.
Currently, I am practicing how to just feel the feelings. Let them be. See them. Acknowledge and name them. Analyze why they are there and invite them to stay until they are ready to pass on through. As with all things we just begin to practice, I am real bad at this. But I am trying.
So, this morning, when faced with a crummy situation, I felt the spiral of emotions coming on. And I let them circulate and churn. I also talked about them and communicated as best I could with my hubby about the situation facing us. What a concept.
My team of colleagues and I are reading Coaching For Equity by Elena Aguilar. In one of the appendices (Don’t you love an appendix? I sure do.) there are feelings charts with oodles of descriptive feeling words and the core emotion associated with them. “Acceptance” is under the “Love” category. Isn’t that fascinating? Therefore, is self-acceptance equal to self-love? There is much to ponder here, and I think Aguilar is on to something. Today, I tried to accept the emotions inside, feel them, and then let them go.
As I was all up in my feelings today, I remembered the book Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett. Now, I haven’t read this one yet, but I’ve heard his research referenced many times and I think this book deserves a spot on my TBR list. Perhaps, more reading and learning and practicing in this area will improve my ability to validate my feelings and then move the hell on with life. I got shit to do.
Mallory, I'm sorry you had a shitty day, but it sounds like practice went well. 😊Seriously though, I applaud you for naming the whirling emotions and communicating through the feels. It's hella hard.
ReplyDeleteEach time I read your blog, there's always a stand out sentence, and today this was my favorite—"To-do list it to death and productivity it out of existence". I was also a fan of your conclusion. We've all got shit to do. 🤪
Marc Brackett was the keynote speaker at the TCRWP Saturday Reunion this weekend. I haven't read his book, but I've heard him on Brené's podcast and he was also a Supper Club guests. His research is life changing, but it's the PRACTICE part that really creates lasting shifts in how we experience and process emotion.
P.S. I have referenced Aguilar's emotions list like five times in the last week. It's a handy dandy tool to keep me grounded.
I'm loving how you ended this. It sounds like you have already been able to turn away from your crummy day give it another try tomorrow.
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