Friendship

March 21, 2020: A friend and I were texting about school and Covid anxieties and the uncertainty of quarantine when I typed the following: “Some people really need other people and connection. I’m just not one of those people.”

What a load of crap. My friend graciously did not call me out on this obvious bullshit although she certainly could have.

I’ve thought about that conversation and my comment many times since that day. What I said is simply just not true. I do need people, and I do need connection; I think these needs just show up differently for me. I don’t crave being around people. I haven’t missed social gatherings or hosting family holidays. But I do need people, and I do need to feel connected.

I need thought partners and cerebral people to process the world alongside me. I need to dialogue with like-minded people that care about the same things I do. I need people that see me, accept my quirks, and entertain my wandering and rambling ideas. You know what? Brene says it much better...

And this truth bomb…

“Without it there is suffering.” Damn. So many of us have suffered in ways we may never fully understand due to our fractured connections over this past year. Luckily for me, I have a few (a very few...the term “handful” is too generous) true friends that have weathered this Covid storm with me, yet from afar. I feel more connected to these dear people than ever before - even though I haven’t physically shared space with some of them for over a year.

I attribute this deepening of connections under unlikely circumstances to two things: intention and honesty. All of these friendships became deeper and more meaningful because we intentionally made time and space for each other in ways we hadn’t always before. We’ve met over Zoom, texted more, and even dove into the world of Voxer (which was very scary at first and now I can’t get enough). We intentionally prioritized our need to talk and share and think and cry. To see and be seen.

The second thing is really about me. God has put some amazing people in my life and that is by no accident. This I know for sure. These special people are already living honest lives, outwardly living as their whole, true selves. They’ve been the example for me and shown me how to do this. And out of sheer necessity, I had to become honest with myself and honest with my people. This has borne nothing but the sweetest fruits. The fruits of connection and acceptance.

As I continue to work towards belonging to myself and accepting myself, I am profoundly grateful to have “bosom friends” (as Anne would say) that accept my imperfect and neurotic self - and that know when to call me out on my bullshit and when to let me figure it out on my own.