Highly Sensitive Person

 Text conversation with a dear friend:

Me: I just read an article today about HIghly Sensitive People. It was written in the context of parents trying to recognize the characteristics in their children. I identified with A LOT of them. 😲🧐


Friend: You should read the book. Excellent. An affirming.


M: A book about highly sensitive people?



My wise friend then sent me two titles and told me they were both game changers. I read the summaries online, saw all the stars and positive reviews, picked one, and ordered it. What the hell. I thought, “If I am one of these people, this sounds like it could be helpful. And if I’m not, maybe it could help me understand my kids or other people in the world better. Win win.”



When it was delivered, I opened it to the table of contents and this caught my eye: “Are You Highly Sensitive? A Self-Test.” Straight to the self-assessment I went. “Let’s just get right down to busy.” I took the quiz which is a series of statements that you mark True or False according to how you feel. For example, one of the statements reads, “I am made uncomfortable by loud noises.” True or False.


The “Scoring Yourself” section began by saying, “If you answered true to twelve or more of the questions, you’re probably highly sensitive.”


I answered “T” to 18 questions. Out of 23.


As I took the quiz and circled “True” over and over, the realization started to wash over me that I am a Highly Sensitive Person. “Holy shit,” I thought. “She was right.” (I love this dear friend and her self-proclaimed love language of bossiness.)


Over the next bit of time, I read the book, slowly, and processed what I was reading, measuring it against my lived experience.


One of the ways being an HSP shows up for me most often in my day-to-day life is through noise. The pre-dinner hour is consistently the most overwhelming hour of my day. I’m in the kitchen, very in-my-head thinking about dinner and kitchen things; timing: what do I need to do first and then next and then next so that all the food is ready at the same time, starting to prep, grabbing things out of the fridge, unloading the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher. Concurrently, all the other beings in my house weave in and out of my physical and mental spaces. I’m often still intercepting work emails and Voxes. The TV is on, usually something with music and dialogue, almost 100% of the time too loud for my ears. My two kids are nearby, also being entirely too loud for my ears. Sometimes this noise is giggles and squeals, the happy noise of childhood. Sometimes, it’s super grouchy bickering of siblings mixed with whiny cries of a toddler. Noise all the same. The dog is barking or nudging the back door wanting to go outside. My husband’s phone is ringing with a work call which he takes, unfazed by the simmering chaos. His naturally loud voice adds to the mix. (He is not an HSP which I think is a good thing, all things considered.)


The number of sounds and complexity of noises during this hour of my day is completely overwhelming to me. Recently, I have started to try to explain to my family how upsetting all of this noise is to me and also ask for what I need. “There are four sources of noise right now, and my brain can handle two. Somebody please quiet two of the noises.” This has helped, but there are still many days when I get everyone at the table, plates of hot food in front of them, and I leave the kitchen and hide in my closet for a few minutes.


My closet is my place to untangle. I go in, leave the light off, shut the door, and sit down on the floor, leaning my back against the multitude of well-worn bathrobes that hang on the back of the door. It is dark. It is cool. It is blessedly silent. It is still. I breathe and settle. Then, I rejoin my family for dinner.


Learning about myself in this way has been so beneficial. There is nothing wrong with me. I’m just highly sensitive. This part of my personality has great benefits including acute awareness of minute details and an incredibly good memory. But, it also causes challenges that I face (sometimes) daily. 


I still have a long way to go on my journey of self-discovery and rewriting what I thought I once knew about myself. So much of what I have read about HSPs has resonated and also reassured me. This book helped me learn about myself and begin to see what I had once thought to be flaws as super powers. What a mighty mindshift.

Comments

  1. Mighty mindshift indeed. Your honesty in this piece shines through the clarity of your description. Thank you for sharing!

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  2. I sort of love that your friend has a self-proclaimed love language known as bossiness. That made me smile. I appreciate the way you walk the reader through your journey of discovery. The scene you describe each night during dinner time feels overwhelming, but I imagine the more you learn about HSP, the more you're able to navigate the challenges. Flipping flaws to super powers is definitely a mighty mindshift, and I applaud you for practicing your way into right thinking. As always, I enjoy learning more about you through your writing.

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  3. Knowing yourself so that you can help others is a very wise approach.

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