Broken

 Today I did something.

If I were to talk to someone that did what I did today, I might say things like this: "You are SO brave! Look at what you did! You dug deep and found the courage to do what you have known you needed to do for a long time. That was hard, and you did it anyway. Your life will be made better by this action as will the lives of the people around you. Good job. Now, go rest. Eat, drink water, then rest some more."

What my inner voice says to myself sounds more like this: "You are a failure. You tried, but you couldn't succeed. You're not strong enough. You're not smart enough. You're not good enough. You caved. You gave in. You gave up. Bad job. How are you going to do better now?"

The stark dissonance between my inner and outer voice is jarring and exhausting. That outer voice needs to get the courage to tell that inner voice to shut the hell up. She's loud, mean, and uncharitable. Sometimes, I know not to listen to her. But...other times...she gets head and air space. 

Tonight, she won.